Dispatches from the Highlands
Dispatches from the Highlands
Cannascopes: Discover Your Fortune!
The zodiac, demystified. Aries - The whole world would be awestruck to know you’re wearing an Apple Vision Pro, except maybe the person you’re operating on. Taurus - It’s not the ....
Apr 25, 2024 · 1 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
History of the Air Jørgen
There’s a shoe making the rounds on talkshows and celebrity feet in a sort of revival lately, however, it’s not clear we ever really said goodbye. The Air Jørgen, nearing 40 years in....
May 16, 2023 · 2 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
The Stoner in the Machine
We’ve all been impressed with Chat GPT, which launched in late November and set the world of news ablaze with its amazing feats. One million users signed up in five days, breakin....
Mar 9, 2023 · 4 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Merry Christember from Cannasaver!
Merry Christember from Cannasaver! STOCK UP ON GIFTBAGS FOR YOU. Find all the HOLIDAY DEALS HERE. Stuff your stocking with strategy, or, get away from the craziness for five mi....
Dec 20, 2022 · 1 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
INDEPTH REPORT: The Canngressional Hearings 2022
EDITOR'S NOTE: Although controversial in nature, there is no way we could ignore the hearings currently underway at the Capitol. As journalists we are bound to report on the facts, a....
Jul 12, 2022 · 4 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Buddha Grass
By W. Goodwin We arise in the predawn darkness fearing another disappointment. Are the clouds of the previous three days still blocking the giant peaks from our hungry eyes? Baref....
May 23, 2022 · 4 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Tale of a Resin-Swabber Has Kind Ending
Samuel Hillis is not new to Resin. The 87-year-old Cannatown resident was born in Resinville during some of the village’s most difficult years, the dust bowl. “They called it that be....
May 13, 2022 · 3 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Housing Offers Now Listing Owners By Dozen
It felt like finding secret treasure. “I was like, if we’re doing it, why aren’t other people doing it?” asks Shawna Monson, a home buyer who recently purchased a house amidst a whir....
May 5, 2022 · 2 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
City Rethinks Popsicle-Stick Construction Plans
It took nearly two years, thirteen metric tons of ganj, 100 workers, and roughly two trillion popsicle sticks, but the Golden Goat bridge, once thought a feat of engineering, came down i....
Mar 23, 2022 · 1 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
I Can't Stop Thinking, Is This All There Is To Life?
Don't tell me this is it. Please. Somewhere out there, there's a machine, who just lives to be. None of this 24/7/365 workin', none of this whirring to life the second you're plugged ....
Mar 7, 2022 · 2 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Photographer Captures the Color of Off-White
Bethany Johnson has a knack for pasty, vanilla nothingness of non-color. So apt, that the Cannatown Museum of Very High Art will feature a collection of her work beginning next Friday. ....
Mar 7, 2022 · 1 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
New Monorail Line Coming to Cannatown Hole
After years of having to trudge through the miles in the mud, especially in chilling rain, Cannatown residents are investing new infrastructure dollars into a monorail for the Cannatown ....
Feb 3, 2022 · 2 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Team at Barry's Big Blunts Eager to Figure Skate in Beijing Games
A group of sweaty, somewhat dirty men in flannel shirts gliding across the ice might not sound like gold-medal level entertainment, but a local group of commercial blunt-rollers are hopi....
Jan 28, 2022 · 1 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
“We’ll miss you, Farnsworth”
Oh! Cannatown will miss ol’ Mr. Farnsworth! He died like he lived, in CannaTown. He spent his whole life here, made a name for himself, had a family, a business. The only thing left to r....
Jan 17, 2022 · 1 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Scientists “Totally Stoked” that Cannabis Could Prevent Covid
A team of Cannatown scientists is “totally stoked” about super-strong strains of cannabis they speculate could prevent or even treat Covid. In a recent study of ACE2 pathways, a “ton of ....
Jan 14, 2022 · 2 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Altercation Between Puppet Gangs Causes School To Shut Down
A dark cloud hung over Cannatown School for Puppeteering this week, as the doors shuttered by authorities, have kept both pupils and the larger public at bay since last week’s annual Win....
Dec 30, 2021 · 2 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Dudeflation Threatens Cannatown Broconomy
National dudeflation remains higher than anyone ever anticipated going into the holiday season. Cool dudeflation rose .420% in November, adjusted for seasonal swings but far worse than p....
Dec 8, 2021 · 1 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Cannascopes November 2021
Discover Your Fortune! Aries - The first date would've gone well, if your allergy to bird-watching hadn't kicked in. Taurus - It’s cold outside, but then, it’s cold inside too. Be....
Dec 1, 2021 · 1 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Program Finds Cadets a Circle to Cheef
It's only three weeks into the holiday season, and already local foundation Angel Cheefers has their hands full. Already, 420 cadets have found circles across Cannatown to roast with ....
Nov 18, 2021 · 2 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
City Awakes to Find Huge Unexplainable Cheez Whiz Boar
BREAKING - A giant 34-foot statue has been erected in the community of Fezziwig, Authorities report, but no one knows how it got there. The monstrosity, sculpted from what appears to be ....
Nov 4, 2021 · 2 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Wish I'd Known This was an Infused Buffet
Oh my gawd, did I just hear Denise right? Did I understand her correctly, that all the food over on that entire taco bar is “medicated”? Like, with heavy THC? Oh my gawd you guys, are yo....
Nov 3, 2021 · 2 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Supply Chain Totally Shut Down Due To Jim
As a backlog of cargo ships in Cannafornia’s southern port reached a historic high this week, the supply chain crisis overwhelming the country’s busiest port complex turns out to be the ....
Oct 29, 2021 · 2 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
I Didn't Even Know Pyromancer Was a Job
What’s up dudemankind? I’ve been pretty much losing all my extra money on crypto these days, so I asked my bud, who’s making bank, like, how does he know when it’s best to buy? And you k....
Oct 21, 2021 · 3 min read
Dispatches from the Highlands
Major Cannatown Employer To Require Positive Drug Test
With the downturn of the economy looming on Cannatown, one of its oldest and biggest employers, Two-Star Manufacturing, has announced they will begin testing for Delta-9 THC in empl....
Oct 14, 2021 · 2 min read
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